Gainers & Encouragers & Sex: Part I; A Response

This video, as it is from XTube, is obviously NSFW. But it's pretty friggen hot.

So, some of you may have read a thread over on BellyBuilders, and then a subsequent post on SFBayDude’s blog about gainers and encouragers and anal sex.

The thread had an accompanying poll asking how people viewed anal sex in terms of their own sexuality. Some of the people on the thread, including SFBayDude (the originator of the discussion, and someone I would consider a friend) drew the conclusion that the majority of gainers and encouragers didn’t feel like anal sex was important to them.

This really riled me, and similarly riled a couple of my pals that I was discussing it with.

Although I have the utmost respect for SFBayDude, and everyone who tried to add constructively to the thread on BellyBuilders, I feel that the conclusions drawn from the the poll and SFBayDude’s subsequent blogpost are both flawed and misleading.

The issue with all of the discussion starts on a flawed premise -the idea that the poll in the message board was either representative of the Gainer/Encourager community or correctly interpreted by the people responding. I don’t believe either of those assertions to be true.

First, the obvious limitations of a poll on the BellyBuilders message board are many and varied (even though they’re pretty unavoidable). The poll only had a relatively small sample size (as of the time of me writing this, 264 people has responded). As of my writing this, over 40,000 thousand accounts have been registered on BeefyFrat. This small sample is compounded by the bias that having it on the BellyBuilders message board exclusively creates. Without trying to put down BellyBuilders, I know plenty of people that simply avoid the BellyBuilders message board completely because they feel like it’s dominated by a handful of unpleasant people (a point highlighted by the unrelated and obnoxious rants that derailed the thoughtful discussion on the thread). Therefore, there might simply be a link between the subtype of gainers/encouragers who frequent BellyBuilders and the results, and not gainers and encouragers on the whole. The fact that you had to be signed up for an account with BellyBuilders to respond to the poll further intensifies this factor.

My biggest issue is with the wording of the poll. Although it’s obvious that SFBayDude put intelligent thought into designing his poll, there are some pretty big issues with the wording.

First, it left a big swath of confusing middle ground data that people then lumped into the anti anal sex category. The middle ground option is as follows:

“I'M INDIFFERENT: Sometimes I like it, sometimes not”

Now, even for people I know who really enjoy anal sex, basically anyone can resonate with the phrase “Sometimes I like it, sometimes not.” I personally really enjoy anal sex under the right circumstances, but have zero desire to engage in it unless it’s within the realm of my own limits. Although I see anal sex as an important part of an intimate relationship, and central part of a fulfilling sex life, under many circumstances, I would really not want to do it.

The second most anal sex positive option of the poll is:

“I LOVE IT: It's usually what gets me off”

The second most anal sex negative option of the poll is:

“I DISLIKE IT: I might do it for the right guy, but it's not my thing at all”

I feel these options confuse the variable of enjoying anal sex under the right circumstances with the idea of only liking anal sex if you want to have it all the time and never do anything else. They’re two very different things. Just cause you only would do it with “the right guy” doesn’t mean that it’s not your thing at all. It might likely mean that you think that anal sex is a personal, intimate practice that you want to share with someone you care about.

I commend SFBayDude for his attempt to not only examine the frequency, but also the feelings of gay men engaging in anal sex. I am very thankful for all of his efforts to better understand the sex lives of gainers and encouragers, but I don’t think saying things such as “almost 2/3 of all gainers are at best apathetic about, if not outright turned off by, anal sex” is helpful. While it was a nice first step into investigating the sex lives of gainers and encouragers, I don’t think we have enough data at all to make such sweeping generalizations. They’ll just serve to further divide an already relatively small group.

One could liken the attempt to prescribe a set of “normal” sexual wants onto gainers & encouragers as analogous to the hypocritical attempts of the gay community to define that “twinks” were what it was “normal” for a gay may to be attracted to... And we all know how well that worked out. lol

I know I sound like an enormous nerd typing all of this, and I know that I’m prolly taking all of this way too seriously but, it’s something I feel passionate about and this is my blog so ha! haha

Where SFBayDude and I do agree on is that you should have whatever kind of sex you want. No one can tell you what’s right for you, and no one should. It’s your life, it’s your body, and if you’re reading this blog, you’re already too in touch with your deepest, most inborn desires to not be having the kind of exactly the kind of sex you want to have.

Thanks for bearing with me and my rant. Gainers, Encouragers and Sex are all topics very close to my heart, and I obviously have strong feelings about this topic.

Coming Soon; Gainers & Encouragers & Sex Part II:The Fun Stuff - Tips & Tricks

New Year's Resolutions

Happy 2010 everyone!

Yeah, the pic isn't related to the post really but, a hot boy for the New Year can't hurt.

So, around this time, everyone seems to be making dramatic, sweeping new years resolutions. Tons of people are making up big exercise plans, attempting to stick to ridiculous diets, determined to loose weight. And most of these people, within a few weeks, a month or two tops, will fail.

Now, you may be thinking, why would I bring up people trying to loose weight on The Encourager? I personally think that there a lot of gainers fall into the same two main pitfalls that these New Year’s Resolution dieters hit.

Similarity one: The Impossible Goal

Yeah, he didn't drink all that and get that belly in one day

Much like dieters who proclaim “I’m never going to eat sugar or any kind of dessert again,” gainers often feel like they’re not doing enough if they don’t eat enormous meals all the time. By setting the bar unreasonably high, you set yourself up for failure, and then get discouraged.

Just like if you were going to diet, getting fat is a lifestyle shift. It doesn’t have to be a huge shift, but it has to be consistent. I was chatting with a buddy of mine who has been hovering around 200 for a while now. I pointed out if he consistently adds 500 calories to his daily diet (about the calories of 1 grande caramel Frappucino with whipped cream from Starbucks, or a handful of cookies) he’ll put on nearly 50 pounds this year. Now, adding a Frapp’s worth of calories to your diet every day isn’t rocket science, but, many guys try and just stuff themselves silly every now and then instead of the simpler, easier to follow through on option of just making sure they get an extra 500 calories right before bed.

Similarity two: Slow Results

Yum. He wasn't discouraged that it took a little while to get that big.

Many gainers complain that they just eat and eat and they don’t see any results. Many dieters complain that no matter how little they eat, they don’t see any results. The answer to both is the same. Changing your body takes time. If you’re eating to gain, or eating to loose, don’t expect to see any real changes in your body for at least four weeks. You may get a nicely bloated gut after a big meal, but, you’re gonna have to overeat pretty consistently for about a month to start noticing a change. To see a dramatic change in your body, it’s prolly gonna take at least 3 or 4 months.

So, in short, relax, eat up, and have fun. Just cause you don’t gain 10 pounds your first week, doesn’t mean that you’re not putting on weight, doesn’t mean your body’s not changing, it just means that you’re normal and this takes time.

Anything worth having is worth working for, right?


In short, keep up as regularly as you can, consistently getting at least 500 extra calories in your daily diet, and don’t get discouraged.

My Resolutions

As for my New Years resolutions, here is what I’m going to try and stick to:

Update the blog at least twice a month, with the end goal being a weekly update schedule. I’m not sure how easy it’s going to be to stick to this one, but, I am hopeful.

Be more regular about going to the gym. Since November I’ve been all over the place with holidays and parties and such and a regular routine will make me (haha and the boyfriend I imagine) quite happy. This shouldn’t be too hard to stick to as the weather will be getting warmer and I really love being outside.

Be more consistent about eating organic and avoiding transfats. Whatever your intention weightwise, gaining, maintaining or loosing, pesticides and transfats are gross. I think I'll be pretty good about this, cause I'm already pretty good about eating organic and avoiding transfats. I'm prolly looking to go from like 80% success to like 95%.

Be more positive, even when dealing with people I really don’t like / Find other ways to be funny besides putting other people down. This will be hard as I am exceptionally talented at making fun of people who annoy me.

My last resolution is to be more focused and organized. Making lists and such. This post was one of the first things I put into my new To Do app (Things for Mac), and look, I actually wrote it up! I’m normally a really super organized, a-type kinda guy so I’m most confident about this one.

What kind of things did you guys pick as resolutions (gaining related or not)? Post yours in the comments section.

Happy New Year everyone!

Beefy Guy with iPhone

Ok, I know the site is sleazy, but I saw looking through the guys with iPhones website, and I found this really cute beefy guy, so I figured I'd show you guys. The site is not safe for work, but, here's the pic! He's not huge, but he's pretty friggen hot. Nice little starter belly. I was happy to see all the positive comments too.

15 Ways to Thin-Proof Your Home

The Encourager has already tackled the some of the big obstacles to building American bellies—tight pants, lack of focus, etc.. Now it’s time to take it home: Use these simple tips to turn your home into a fat-gaining, belly growing superweapon.

You don’t have to throw away any of your favorite foods, stop going to the gym, or turn your life upside-down. Just make these 15 simple tweaks to stay motivated and active as you drive toward your weight-gain goals.



Out of Sight, Out of Mind

If you’ve got candy or nuts sitting in your cupboards from the holidays, put ‘em out, and make sure there are always snacks around all the time—Never put them in a cabinet.



“When those things are in plain view, you’ll eat them regardless of whether or not you’re hungry,” says Chris More, Ph.D., nutrition adviser to the Discovery Channel and others. “When you’re not walking by and seeing them, you’re less likely.”

In Sight, In Your Mouth

While you’re moving food in your kitchen, get whole fruit out of your fridge—and out in the open. You’ll be more likely to grab a piece when you see it—and when it fills the room with aroma as it ripens.

“Whole fruit is getting a bad rap,” says Get A. Snack, The Encourager’s weight gain coach. “It’s the perfect snack –Natural sugars and carbs to keep you healthy, but no shortage of calories. Grapes and blueberries are great little anti-oxidant laden calorie bombs”

Work On This

Keep your muscles growing with your gut. Put a pair of barbells by a door you use a lot in your house—each time you cross the threshold, do one rep of bicep curls, and one lunge. It won’t seem like much, but all that moving will add up, and your muscles will keep your heart healthy, and support your growing belly.


Set This Alarm

Does Apple's iCal beep to remind you of meetings? (Us too.) Does it annoy you? (Us too.)

Put that little beep to work: Set an alarm every 15 minutes—using Outlook or your phone—as a reminder to get and grab a handful of something to snack on. Each time it rings, eat a hand fun of some healthy, caloric snack food—nuts are great, mixing almonds and M&Ms, anything.

Your I'm Late! Strategy

Does this routine sound familiar? You wake up in the morning, stumble out of bed, and realize you’re already late… and run straight out the door. You’re famished, but you don’t have time to even grab something quick (and probably less than you’d like to be eating).


“Change your pattern,” says Chris More, Ph.D., nutrition adviser to the Discovery Channel and others. “Pack something substantial the night before for the car ride to work so you’re not missing out on your hunger. And try and make time to eat, the results will show for themselves.”


Reorganize Your Fridge

The “crisper” drawer in your refrigerator is made for fruits and vegetables—and don’t forget it. Use the more visible parts of your frige to keep higher-calorie foods like high quality protein, cheeses and chocolate in plain sight, and move the fruits and vegetables down to the crisper. Keep easy-to-grab snacks that will kickstart your progress—on the top shelf, in plain sight.



Banish Your Scale

Don’t leave your scale to sit out and haunt you. Put it in a bathroom closet so you’re not tempted to weight yourself too often—and get distracted by small fluctuations in weight.

Weigh yourself just once each week, and spend the rest of the week focusing on the stuff that will move the needle—your eating, your workouts, and your attitude.


Empty These Bags

A lot of carb calories are usually easy to grab—chips, cookies, bagels, or bread (for a quick sandwich). Make sure you keep the easy calories in your kitchen, don’t just favor of foods that need preparation—meats, brown rice, or vegetables—or you might be more likely to let a fleeting craving pass.

If you snack on an easy high carb option, “you might get less nutrients, but there are often lots of calories, and it’ll stick to you,” says Carlos Gordo, author of The Perfect Belly Diet. You’ll stay be less full, and for a shorter period of time, and feel more likely to grab more food. And the tried and true rule of, "If you can open it, you can finish it" is sure to pack on the pounds quickly


Always Have Time For A Shake

Keep all the components of a gainer shake in your fridge—all of the ingredients of a high calorie gainer shake, ready immediately.

“You’re not making the whole shake ahead of time,” says Chris More, Ph.D., nutrition adviser to the Discovery Channel and others. “But it’s like your own encourager.” And the calories in your shake bar are safe—gainer shakes are basically free calories in your diet, as long as you stay away from hydrogenated oil and too much saturated fat.

Take a Tip From Rocky IV

Rocky stared at a picture of Ivan Drago every day as he trained to fight the enormous Russian. Find your own motivator: a nemesis like a picture of the way you never want to look, a mantra that reminds you why you’re gaining, or a photo that reminds you of your goal—like a picture of a guy with a belly you’d like to have.


Tape your motivator to your bathroom mirror—look at this one every morning to stay motivated. Tape another to your refrigerator—look at this one whenever you feel your hunger slipping.

Recycle Paper

All those menus in your kitchen drawer and next to your fridge? Put as many as you can on the frige itself. Even if you have the numbers memorized, adding the visual cues—the menu in plain sight—will increase your temptation to order.

Decorate Your TV

Give yourself a constant reminder to eat: Put a can of nuts on top of your television each day. Keep them there until you’ve finished the can for the day. Don’t like the look it gives your living room? Get eating and get ‘em off the set.
Get New Plates

You’ll gain weight with bigger plates: A study at Cornell University found that participants scooped out 50 percent more ice cream when given bigger dishes and spoons.

Put the power on your plates: Swap 10-inch plates for 12-inchers, and you’ll eat 22 percent more calories.

Use Your Couch


Make sure you eat when you’re in front of the tube. People who eat meals in front of the TV snack more between meals—20 percent more, according to a British study.

Invest In Yourself

Use your wallet to stay motivated: Buy a pair of pants, book a vacation to visit an gainer or encourager buddy you always wanted to meet, or make reservations to gorge yourself at a spectacular restaurant—choose a goal, and throw your cash behind it. Remind yourself of the investment by keeping your new purchase in plain sight. When your money’s in it, your motivation won’t be far behind.


Stick with these tips, and you'll have packed on 20lbs before you know it.

The Article was adapted from Men's Health Magazine for Gainers

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