Gaining and Encouraging is a Good Thing

So, you guys may have noticed this blog, written by a guy I've actually known for a while. He's a good guy, but I feel super misguided at the moment. His blog talks about gaining and encouraging as an addiction or disease. You can guess that I disagree. My response to his thoughts after the jump.

Ok, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about all of this "gaining and encouraging is an addiction" stuff, and I've been trying to come up with a thoughtful response. First, the mere fact that someone would try and pathologize something so basically incorporated into my sexuality made me really friggen angry. As a gay man, I feel like I constantly have to defend my sexuality to the world at large, and this just seemed unnecessary and dumb.

So, I think the issue that is being confused here is that gaining and encouraging as an action is not an addiction, though some people can abuse it. Although I personally am wary of throwing around the term addiction (I think that it quickly changes one's actions from something they have to take responsibility for to something that is a "disease" which I think is fairly ridiculous in many of the situations where the term is used), I guess anyone really can feel an addiction to anything. If there are people who describe themselves as sex addicts, abusing something that should be a beautiful and intimate exchange of love (or at least mutual respect), I guess people can similarly abuse gaining and encouraging.

I think what I would like to point out is that gaining and encouraging, far from being an addiction or illness, can be a wonderful thing. Embracing that part of yourself, much like coming out of the closet, quietly embraces the diverse wonder of the human experience. Countless guys have spoken about how it's rewarded them not only sexually to gain, but improved the whole of their life, allowing them self confidence and relaxation that they had never felt before. I can say from my personal experience, I like to think being an encourager makes me special. It gives me sort of a deeper need to find the right guy than most people. And although when I look at the infinitesimal number of cute, bright, guys into this around my age locally, yeah, sometimes it bums me out, but, it just makes it all the more exciting when you do find a guy. Being able to share my sexuality, truly, unapologetically, and fully with a guy is an intensely intimate experience, and one that I don't know if I'd be able to have if I wasn't the way I am. The road that is easiest is not always the best.

"Dash" may feel out of control in terms of this, and by all means, he should seek help. I would wager that real, lasting help will come in the form of self-acceptance. I think it's interesting to note that on his website, in one of his posts, he said he went to a shrink who told him their was nothing wrong with his desire to gain weight. Dash was so eager to pathologize who he was, that he actually then sought out another "alternative therapist" who would tell him something was wrong with him. I am quite sure there is nothing wrong with me, nor most of the people into this, and I have spent hours and hours contemplating the subject.

In closing, call me naive, or a hopeless romantic, but, far from an addiction, I see gaining and encouraging as a chance to share a real, intimate, secret with a lover. I think back to my first fantasies about this stuff, and they all revolved around just slowly watching my boyfriend pack on a few, and having it be "our special thing." After trying a few times to hide myself in some pretty long term relationships, I still look for the same innocent, uncomplicated ideas of just being myself, totally, with another guy when I look for relationships. And I think that's far from something negative.